Rejection

Rejection seems to be the name of the game today. Yesterday I went to see my therapist. Lets call her Dr. C. As this being a new therapist, I am still trying to find my ground with her. Things were slow to start, and end. I even started clock watching. In the end I felt rejected by Dr. C.

Dr. C asked me if I need to come back. She started talking about how I seem to have everything in order. It got me to thinking, if I had all the tools I needed to live a good productive life I wouldn't of sought a therapist out.

I felt like I was being rejected. This is a HUGE issue for me. I am talking massive. I have always felt as if I was rejected by my family, and friends. I have a issue with being unlovable or unlikeable. Yet here is another person who is suppose to be my support and safe place, that just rejected me. Yet another person who save me from the mess that is my life.

I need to let my childhood go. I know this. I just don't how.

Thanks

With Thanksgiving fast approaching, I wanted to say what I am thankful for.

I am so Thankful for my family and friends. They have been with me on a roller coaster of a year with me. With out them I wouldn't of been able to get past this year. I don't think a blanket statement could tell you how I feel about my friends and family. That being said there is so much I want to say we might be here for days. Due to this, I will just leave this at I am blessed with the people in my life. Old or new, related or not.

I am Thankful for my husband. My world is not a good place with out him. Because of him I am a better person. The love and support that he shows me every day is amazing. I couldn't ask for a better person to share my life with. He makes the world a better place and the journey of life so much fun. He has been through a lot in his life, and will go through so much more, but he takes it all in stride and works his butt off.

Pickle - My precious boy. I can't tell the world how Thankful I am to have him in my life. We struggled to conceive. A battle that took 3 years, It was a emotional toll on us, but I wouldn't change it for the world. Everything went through brought us this amazing little boy. He lights up a room when ever he enters. He is always so happy, and carefree. He loves with every fiber of his being, when he smiles (and that one cute little dimple shows up) you smile. It is hard not too. He is starting to come into his own as a little man. He is losing the baby in him and growing up into a full grown boy at such a amazing pace. I will miss the little guy, but I look forward to who he will become.

S has been my close friend for many years. We have had our ups and downs, but we always find out way back to our friendship. She loves and supports me like a sister even though we arent' by blood, She loves me like a true friend should. I am so Thankful to have someone like that in my life. A true friend, with a great heart.

Most don't feel like they love their jobs, I can say that I am not one of them. I work for the most amazing people. I have found the right fit for me here. Although I work for a HUGE company, our office is a family. Most of us have been here for years. Seen one another through ups and downs. The love and support from this office is something that you don't see often. We all take care of each other and that is wonderful thing.

Last but not least, I am so Thankful for this blog. This has been a new experience for me to write a blog. I am not a writer as you can tell, but it has allowed me to share my story and experiences with others, and at the same time allowed me to process my own thoughts and feelings. Through this entire experience I have come across so many blogs that were able to help mend and open my heart. I know there are many of you who are out there reading this (I see the stats! LOL). Thank you for reading our story and allowing me to be apart of your lives.

I hope everyone has a terrific Thanksgiving. I hope your holidays are happy and safe, with all our love, The Hello Pickle Family.

Debbie Downer

Lately I have been a little down in the dumps. I think the stress of the last few weeks of stress have started to really get to me. With M being in the hospital, then Pickle getting sick, followed by me getting sick. I think I really need to just relax and get some fun time in. We have been struggling a lot more lately with finances and that is just not getting better. In the back of my head I keep thinking we are getting closer and closer to M getting his disability. We just turned in a butt load of paperwork to them to get a decision, but the waiting is the hardest part.

I am starting to feel like I am not doing enough for our family, but I am doing everything that I can. I have been looking into getting a second job, but I worry what effect that will have on Pickle. I am already gone for so many hours in a day, what would happen if I was gone on weekends and nights too. We ask that all of you say some prayers for us. We can really use the help.

In good news Pickle is doing great with his speech therapy. You can really see a improvement each day. He is starting to talk to us more and mimic the things that we do. Last night we played "Oh No Poor Joe!" I don't know if anyone else knows of this, but my Darling Husband did not. You say Oh No Poor Joe he has no, Insert body part here. Pickle loved every second of it. He laughed his little butt off. He continued to do it the rest of the night. He is growing up so fast on me. I can honestly say it is going by too fast and I will miss the little baby. It makes you want another little soul to love (Don't worry that is a little ways off, we have bigger fish to fry right now). All in good time.

Crazy, Hazy Days

Things have been so busy around here. M was lucky to come home on Saturday. Thank God, He is slowly recovering, getting better a little bit more each day. Since M is unable to care for our Pickle, I have had to bring him to different family members each day so I can still go to work. Friday he spent w/ his Auntie K, Sat & Sun he was with me (half at home, and half at hospital), Monday I was blessed enough to have my Mother in Law stay at our house and watch him, and Tuesday He went to spend the day with his Aunt S and his cousins. Today he is at my in-laws house with Big M and Auntie K again. We are so lucky to have family come and help us out when we need it. I can being to say how lucky we are to have family by our sides to help out.

Because poor Pickle has been tossed all around, his behavior is terrible. Has anyone experienced this? You can tell it all effecting him, but I can't change what is going on. I can not miss anymore work this year, and we can not afford to loose this job. I know that he needs a little stability, and I am hoping that I can do that starting next week, but I just don't think it is going to happen this week. It all comes down to how M feels. I hope he gets better soon.

In other news, this week my Grandmother passed (mother's mom). She has been very sick for quite some time. She is in a better place. Her services are going to be held back east over the weekend. I wish that I could go, but I just can't get those funds together. Tickets for the 3 of us were close to 1,600.00, that was just way to much and we didn't have that. I feel terrible that I won't be able to attend her services, I was not able to see her before she passed either. I just can't seem to let go of the guilt that I feel about the entire process.

I hope everyone has a better week that I did. The worst part is that it is only Wed. I still have a few more days to go.


At the park on Monday



Happy M Day!

I have told M numerous times that he should get on here and introduce himself. Since we haven’t had an appearance yet, I thought I would fill you in the love of my life our big M. I can’t say enough great things about this man. He is our family comedian, the love of my life, the best dad you will ever see, and fiercely loyal.

When I say my husband is the best comedian you will ever meet, I am so serious. He is the comedy nexus in our home. He can turn anything funny. I must warn you though; his since of humor is twisted and sometimes dark. That being said once he knows you he will make you laugh at things you never thought could be funny. We have been telling him for years to do standup, but the poor guy is crazy shy.

Along with his sharp whit, is his sharp mind. He is a genius. I am taking a super smart; we could get him a cape with a big G on it, that is how smart he is. He can remember just about any crazy fact that you ask him (but yet somehow he forgets the grocery list). He is a wealth of knowledge. Comes in handy more often then you think it could. 

I have already gone into the story of us, and how we came to be so I won’t make you sit through that all over again, but I will say I knew I loved him from the start. Being so young when we met, I didn’t recognize it, but I love him with all my heart and I have for so long. This man will fight to the death to protect me. He is always willing to help others when he can. He is the one person who can calm me down, I feel safe in his arms, and love him like no other.

M lives each day at home. Working outside of the home is not an option since his accident. That doesn’t mean M doesn’t work. He is a stay at home Daddy, and the best Daddy I have ever seen. He loves Pickle with the same passion and fieriness that he loves me. You have never seen such a happy little boy. They spend their day making crazy faces, telling stories, playing video games together, and cleaning house. I will be honest he is not the best housekeeper, but he is my housekeeper and I love him for it. He does so much during the day, it makes it so much easier when I go home. I am able to rest and play with my little man after a long day at work.

I hope that you were able to get a good insight to who M is from here. I know I have gone on and on and on. He is a great Man. There are no words to really say what a wonderful person he is. I hope that you see how great he is too.

Happy 2nd Birthday Pickle!!!

I want to say a very Happy Birthday to my Pickle!!!! We had his party on Sunday and Monday was the big day.

Sunday was his birthday party. Nothing big, just family and 2 very close friends. Needless to say we have a large family. We had a Yo Gabba Gabba Themed Party and I think it turned out really well. The poor boy did not sleep the entire day. Needless to say the poor guy was beat by the end of the day and so were we.

Happy Birthday Banner Out side the in-laws house

We took all of his gabba things from his bedroom and use them to help add some life to the theme.



The wall banner that we put up. I am saving this & putting it in his play room!



We Couldn't get a Gabba Cake anywhere so we got his Elmo, the next best thing for him.

Little Cake for the little man

Holding him back from taking the candles off

He loved loved everyone singing to him.

Blowing out the candles

Eating his cake

He wouldn't eat the cake until we got him a spoon!

Monday was his actually birthday, We had our 2 year baby well check appointment. He just got his flu shot. He is 34lbs and 36 inches tall. He is a big boy. After his appointment, We had breakfast with my Mother and a trip to Ikea. After the fun of shopping at Ikea we went home and just relaxed. I think we all needed some downtime. It was great weekend.

Lets Talk about us...

You have heard about our recent ups and downs, What you haven't heard about is the story of who we are, and how we came to be. Hop on you time machine and go back 14 years to the story of us.

M and I met while we were both in high school. We met while at work at a local Micky D's. I was a manager at the time and M was crew member. He was a junior and I was a senior. I can honestly say that M was incredibly annoying. He was a pain in my butt. I don't how else to say it. I could not stand the man. He will to this day say the same thing about me. It took about a year for us to tolerate one another. One night while working late and closing the restaurant down, there was a few of us on the drive thru head sets just talking about nothing, this got M and I talking. That night he got my phone number. Don't get me wrong it took a while for us to get to the actual concept of a date, but one day I just kissed him. I knew it just had to be done. We have had our ups and downs, but no matter what we were best friends first, and we remain that way to this day.

Fast forward… We graduated high school, we started college and working life….. M was on his way to work one day, and was rear-ended on the freeway. He was hit by 4 different cars. This caused some major issues in his back. He has suffered numerous surgeries, procedures and a implant to try and help him live his life. He has severe issues with daily pain and use of legs. This accident changed both of our lives impermeability and forever, but we made it through, and that is all anyone can ask for. M will never be out of pain again, and will have monthly doctor's appointments, and yearly surgeries for the rest of his life, but he has a life and for that I am grateful.

Fast forward again… More surgeries, more doctors and a few years… We decided it was time to move forward with our lives and get married (so maybe it was not a decision more like the solution to some crazy argument). On April 1st of 2006 we were married. We had a small wedding, but a great time. This is also the time we finally moved out of our parents homes and move in together (we moved about 2 months before the big day). I have some of the best memories from those days. We didn't have a couch or table or chairs the first week or so, we had dinner on blankets spread on the floor while watching TV., we lived each day like any other, work, home, work, home, doctor, work, home, it was a nice routine and some carefree times.
After about a year of marriage we thought about starting a family. After a year of trying we had no luck, and I paid a visit to my doctor. We discovered my PCOS. We tried for a few months on clomid and still no luck, we decided it was time to go see a specialist (during all this time we were looking to purchase a home, found one, bought it and moved). After meeting with the specialist we decided to proceed with IUI's, and inject able medications. After 6 IUI attempts on our final attempt we got our little man. I don't think you would of ever say two people so excited. It took us over two years and all of our savings, but it was so worth it.

Our pregnancy was plagued from the start. I suffered from Over stimulated Ovaries (from all the fertility drugs), and was in a lot of pain for a few weeks. Once we got past that the bleeding started. Small amounts at first, and we were assured that our little pickle (yes that is what we called him in-utero) was okay. Then was day it was like dam broke, and we rushed back the hospital. At this time they discovered a complete placenta previa, and I was put on strict bed rest (only allowed up for the rest room & a Shower). The bleeding continued and a few more hospital trips, During this time they discovered the previa corrected itself and could not find the source of the bleeding. As the pregnancy progressed I ended up in pre-term labor and would be admitted again, and sent home again, the bleeding or contractions would start again and the process was the same. Around month seven they then discovered not only did my placenta move slightly again over my cervix, but I also have a vasa-previa, making this process even more complicated. It was finally decided to put me out of my Misery (Yes, I was a terrible patient. I suffer from a lot of anxiety and could not handle all of this, I was irrational, irresponsible and selfish. If I could go back and change my behavior I would). Pickle was born in perfect health at 36 weeks to the day. lbs. 7oz, and 19 inches long. It was a great day.

Fast forward…. Little man growing up… this is where this blog picks up. Our little man will be 2 in September, and is a great kid. He suffers from some pretty bad reflux, and his speech is a little slow for his age, but he is a great great kid. Always happy and smiling.

Since you were kind enough to read all of this, I will reward you with some pictures of or lives.. I hope you enjoy and comment!!!!!

So long ago, M's Senior Prom



April 1st 2006



You can't tell, but I am 2 weeks Prego at the time!! And not that is not my beer, it is M's!





Fresh out of the oven 2010



All Clean




Going home for the first time.



6 months old




with our first kid Daisy Mae





So cute







Too much jumping













First time swiming





little Crawler





baby's second Christmas







At phoenix childrens for testing on his tummy





Easter Sunday 2012



I love this one