Car

You know I need a car.. Well M Needs a car.

Now this is not a new idea. It is a idea that has floated around for sometime. It is not easy being a one car household. It has only floated because we just can't afford it. Now as our little is started to grown and wanting to expand out of our home, it is becoming increasing apparent that M needs a way around.

My most worrisome part is that our Pickle is auditioning for the special needs preschool this month. If he gets in, they we will really NEED that car. Yes he can get the bus back and forth from the school, however what happens if he gets sick. Someone is going to have to get him. I work a hour from our home.

What's a girl to do? I know a lot of people are thinking to get a car loan, or buy something cheap. Well you need money to pay the loan or buy something cheap. Remember you are talking to the girl who struggles to get the peanut butter.

Someone buy me a car… Yes I asked… Yes my pride is shot…. But I had to try……… Insert super embarrassed face here.

Because you made it this long… I give you pictures!!! Whoo Hooo. Yes I know he is super super cute. I am also biased as I am the mother of said child. But I will take you sweet comments on this cuteness anyway.

A toddler at play......

One of my favorite things to do it watch my little man play. There is nothing more precious then watching a little tyke run around and play and the things they come up with. Let me tell you.

Most recently Pickle has started running laps. Not just a typical run, this kid is out to win the toddler Olympics. He runs from our back sliding glass door to the kitchen around the island and back again. He does this for a good solid hour or so. Stopping only for the occasional distraction.

I watch as the smile plays upon his face, it tears at my heart strings a bit, because I know that he will only play like this for so long, then it will be about sports, video games, and big boy toys. He will grow up so fast on me and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I wish I could keep him small forever, but then I wouldn't have more wonderful things to look forward to.

Some of my favorite pictures from this past weekend. Little Man has falling in love with M's childhood friend, Smokin Joe Panda. Ugly as sin, but Daddy and son seem to love him. Little Man has also started to have a I-Pad addiction. We have now started to have some Big Boy rules, about how much time he gets on it and the television. Lately he only stays still with the I-Pad. it seems that is the only time I can get pictures of him.

What the hell???

Being a mother has taken it toll on me. I can say it now. I have come to terms with it.

I can not change another diaper. I just can't. Yet the young master of our home refuses to consider being potty trained. Now I am faced with a mothers nightmare of diapers.... You guessed it diarrhea.

WHAT THE HELL????

I just can't take it. I just can't. Needless to say my therapist is going to hear about this in our session today. 

Rut??

I need something good to happen. I am not sure what, but I know I need it to happen soon.
I am stuck in a rut. I just came seem to pull out of it.

From the day Pickle was born I wanted to stay home with him. It has always been my dream to stay home with him. That was just not in the cards for us. M's injuries prevent him from working and he is the best person to stay home with the little man. So I work. I have a great job with a fantastic group of people. I can say I do love my job and the people I work with. We are truly a family here. I can not ask for a better job.

You are now asking your self.. If her job is so great why is she complaining that she is in a rut….. I am in a rut because I want to be at home. I am in a rut because I miss my son every day. I am in a rut because we can not do anything due to our financial situation. I am just in a rut.

I have been online a lot lately looking at all the things I want to do for Pickle, classes to sign him up for, activities to take him to, but I can't do any of that. I feel like I am a bad parent because we can't do any of that. I feel like a bad parent because I am not home. I feel like a bad parent because I am not living my dreams, but just working to get by. How can I teach my son that he can do anything he dreams of if he works hard, if I can not fill my own dreams. He was my dream. He will always be a part of my dreams.

I think in the end I am just in a mood. I just can't seem to pull myself out of it. I am not one of those people who normally sit around and wait for great things to happen to them. I have always believed that you make them happen. I just can't do it this time. I am in a rut. I can't pull out of.

Pickle's Dance

Just a little Sweetness for your day.

The Dream

I grew up with two working parents. My parents worked hard to provide for us. We were never without food or clothes. There was always a roof over our heads. Even though I had tow parents who were working their butts off, we sill went without many of the luxuries that many children have. That many children take for granted.

For me that one thing I always wanted but could never have was ballet. I always wanted to be a famous ballerina. Growing up I knew we could not afford it, so I never asked. Looking back on it I wish I tried. Maybe I wouldn't feel so drawn to it now if I did. I find myself each day looking at ballet blogs and pictures of ballets. Now at 31 years old, this is one of those dreams that will never become a reality. I know that I am too old to go up on Pointe. I will always have that regret and dream.

I don't want Pickle to have those feelings. I wish I could give him the world, and I know that the is going to grow up knowing that Mom & Dad don't have money. Will he grow up like I did too and be to shy to ask? I really don't want his dreams to never see reality because he was afraid to ask or I couldn't afford it. I will be the first to admit that I have looked into Adult beginner classes for ballet. What I found made me quite sad. I found that most dance schools consider the term "Adult" to mean 16+. It just doesn't seem like it would be the right fit for me. I wish Adult meant, actually Adult. I would love to take a class with people like myself. Those who are of a more "advanced" age who are just learning. A girl can dream. If you know of a place in the east valley, let me know.

My Dream

Potty Training Part 2,154,457

Why is potty training so hard? I know that he is ready. I know that he has been ready for awhile, but I feel as if he is being lazy about it. Is that bad to say? If it is sorry, but I just don't know any more.

He knows when he goes. He tells me all the time. Even if he has a diaper on. He just doesn't tell me before he goes. I just don't know what to do. I have tried everything I can find.

Things we tried:
- 3 day potty training method - Major fail on our part
- 1 day potty training method - He just didn't care about it
- direct to underpants - Major fail for my carpet
- Training pants - Just like a diaper to him
- setting the timer for every 30 mins - Just plain old annoying for adults to deal with, and I am sure my little man didn't like it either
- Cloth diapers with out the inserts - Just like a combo of the diaper + underpants. He can feel it and know he did it, but my carpet is much happier for it.

I am at a loss!

*** Now I know there are many of you out there reading this, I need you to comment and tell me what the hell to do!!!!  I just don't know what to do. He is ready and I am ready, but he just won't tell me.

HELPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please!

Where has the time gone......

I sit here thinking to my self it feels like just yesterday I was returning to work from my maternity leave. Now I have a full blown little boy. He seemed to change overnight. He is now into the deep terrible twos. Last night I couldn't even eat dinner, he was so bad. I just don't know what to do with this kid some days.

I have noticed a few things. He was on electronics lock down for about week. He was a great kid. No problems. We Finally lifted the lock down and the kid turned into a demon child again. I think the no electronics is going to stay for awhile longer. It seems to cause the 2 year old to come out in full force. I can honestly say that the hardest part of the lock down is for M and I. We live for our phones.

Another think that seems to make things worst is the lack of sleep, which I am sure is common for any kid. With the night terrors we can't seem to catch a break. He ends up waking up and being up for quite a few hours, which cause him to get a bad nights sleep, and us to get a bad nights sleep. The combination of the two is lethal.

We have also decided to give potty training another go this weekend. We have a nice long weekend at home planned. So Hopefully It will work out. Cross your fingers.  Pickle shows some signs that he is ready and some signs that he is not. We are going to give the three day potty training method ago. I bought the book and read it! I truly wish there was someone out there who would potty train my kid for me. It would make things a lot easier. I am not looking forward to it.

If anyone has any tips or suggestions please let me know. I can use all the help I can get. As a first time mom I am leaning on anyone I can for support.

After Christmas Detox

As my headache from Christmas begins to fade, I sit back and think about how wonderful our day was. This was Pickle's first real Christmas. Yes he is 2 and has had 2 other Christmas mornings, however he was too little to understand. This year he totally got it. I wish I had the thought in my head to take pictures. Hindsight is 20/20.

Our little man was tucked into our bed around 9:30 (yes, I know that it is late, but with the day we had on Christmas eve, and having visitors staying at our house...... you know how it goes). Once he was asleep, Santa went to work. For Christmas we purchased him the Fisher Price Laugh and Learn Kitchen Table, it was pretty easy to get set up, it just took a bit of time. We also got him two baskets of food, a "taco kit", and Uno Moo. So while Daddy went to work building Santa's table for him, Mommy got to work wrapping and filling the stocking. The elves went to bed after 11.

Since little man was snuggled in Mom and Dad's bed we were able to sleep in a bit. We just failed to tell Pickle, he needed to sleep in too. Thankfully we woke up before Pickle was off our bed and running. He grabbed his beloved blue couch pillow (which is way to big for his little body) and ran out of our room. He took off right past the Christmas tree, right past his new kitchen and into our kitchen. All the sudden his came to a halt in front of our kitchen sink. The boy was lucky he didn't fall he stopped so quickly. He turned around and ran to his new kitchen. The look of wonder and shock was great. It was a memory that I will forever remember. It took some time, but he finally noticed the other gifts under the tree, and started handing them out to Daddy and myself.

While little man played with his toys, We started getting ready for the day. First we went to my in-laws for breakfast, then to my parents for lunch/dinner, and back to the in-laws for desert. It was great day. This day was the reason so many people look forward to the holidays. THE BEST DAY EVER!

Our litte tree and Pickle's gifts

Pickle's Kitchen

Too Much Christmas! Poor guy feel asleep around 5:30.

Purple Turtle?

The things that my kid says. I tell you. I don't know if he comes up with all of it on his own, or if most of it is his daddy's influence.

I am betting on the latter.

lately it is the phrase "Burple Turtle" translated to purple turtle. Believe it or not there is numerous pictures of purple turtles, and websites. Apparently he fell upon something quite popular. Look at my kid the trend setter. I hope all your kids are trend setters in their own right.

Dull Blog Post Here

I really don't have much this week. We had a nice quiet weekend at home. It was needed. I will leave you with pictures that Pickle took w/ my camera this weekend. Hope you enjoy!

Nights Stink

Have any of you dealt with night terrors? I am currently in a world of hurt from them. My darling sweet loving little boy has been dealing with them for months now. We have some good days and some bad.  We have changed just about everything we could. We no longer watch "scary" TV after he goes down in case he hears it, we dont' play any type of video games around him. We tightened our bed time routine.

But the terrors continue. I need some sleep. I am going nuts!!!!  HELP!

Thanks

With Thanksgiving fast approaching, I wanted to say what I am thankful for.

I am so Thankful for my family and friends. They have been with me on a roller coaster of a year with me. With out them I wouldn't of been able to get past this year. I don't think a blanket statement could tell you how I feel about my friends and family. That being said there is so much I want to say we might be here for days. Due to this, I will just leave this at I am blessed with the people in my life. Old or new, related or not.

I am Thankful for my husband. My world is not a good place with out him. Because of him I am a better person. The love and support that he shows me every day is amazing. I couldn't ask for a better person to share my life with. He makes the world a better place and the journey of life so much fun. He has been through a lot in his life, and will go through so much more, but he takes it all in stride and works his butt off.

Pickle - My precious boy. I can't tell the world how Thankful I am to have him in my life. We struggled to conceive. A battle that took 3 years, It was a emotional toll on us, but I wouldn't change it for the world. Everything went through brought us this amazing little boy. He lights up a room when ever he enters. He is always so happy, and carefree. He loves with every fiber of his being, when he smiles (and that one cute little dimple shows up) you smile. It is hard not too. He is starting to come into his own as a little man. He is losing the baby in him and growing up into a full grown boy at such a amazing pace. I will miss the little guy, but I look forward to who he will become.

S has been my close friend for many years. We have had our ups and downs, but we always find out way back to our friendship. She loves and supports me like a sister even though we arent' by blood, She loves me like a true friend should. I am so Thankful to have someone like that in my life. A true friend, with a great heart.

Most don't feel like they love their jobs, I can say that I am not one of them. I work for the most amazing people. I have found the right fit for me here. Although I work for a HUGE company, our office is a family. Most of us have been here for years. Seen one another through ups and downs. The love and support from this office is something that you don't see often. We all take care of each other and that is wonderful thing.

Last but not least, I am so Thankful for this blog. This has been a new experience for me to write a blog. I am not a writer as you can tell, but it has allowed me to share my story and experiences with others, and at the same time allowed me to process my own thoughts and feelings. Through this entire experience I have come across so many blogs that were able to help mend and open my heart. I know there are many of you who are out there reading this (I see the stats! LOL). Thank you for reading our story and allowing me to be apart of your lives.

I hope everyone has a terrific Thanksgiving. I hope your holidays are happy and safe, with all our love, The Hello Pickle Family.

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am sure on this blog you have seen many pictures where my son's binky is there smack dab in the middle of his mouth. How do I break this? Any tips? He currently only has it when he sleeps or finds one. Once he has it all bets are off you won't get back. Any help would be appreciated.

Because One is not enough

always happy, Esp. With a binky

No bink, but so darn cute.

Phoenix Zoo Lights!

We spent a wonderful evening on Saturday with our dear friend S and her son at Phoenix Zoo Lights. For those of you who don't live in a place that no one should live (Arizona) let me provide some details. Phoenix Zoo Lights is exactly what is sounds like. In the winter months for the holidays, the zoo decorates most of the zoo with different type of holiday lights. They have light up figures and animals all over. They also time a section of the lights to holiday music. They leave some of the animals out so you can see them as well. It is a great night!
We spent the night there, walking around looking at the lights and the animals that you could see in the dark. Our little man had the time of his life. He was fascinated by all the lights. He would oh and ah over all the different lights. When we got to the section that had the musical lights you would of thought he was in heaven. Our little man also had his first carousel ride. It was the greatest experence, that I feel like I am so lucky to have shared with him. This was a great night, If you are in the area GO! You won't regret it.

I hope all everyone has a safe and happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Happy Halloween

I can say that this was the best Halloween that we have ever had! This was our little man's first Halloween where is was going out. His first Halloween 5 weeks old, and last year he could barely walk, and we just came back from a wedding back east, so this is the first!

I am so proud of him. The first few homes he was terrified. He didn't know what to do and when we could get him up to the house he just looked at the people. We were lucky enough to go with my sister and brother, and all of their kids (6 kids, + Pickle), plus my mother, M's mother, and his Uncle G (M BFF). Once he got a few more houses in, he was a pro at it, and doing great, he even started shutting people's doors. I will up load the pics in a few days for you.

Hope you had a great holiday!!!!!!!!

Debbie Downer

Lately I have been a little down in the dumps. I think the stress of the last few weeks of stress have started to really get to me. With M being in the hospital, then Pickle getting sick, followed by me getting sick. I think I really need to just relax and get some fun time in. We have been struggling a lot more lately with finances and that is just not getting better. In the back of my head I keep thinking we are getting closer and closer to M getting his disability. We just turned in a butt load of paperwork to them to get a decision, but the waiting is the hardest part.

I am starting to feel like I am not doing enough for our family, but I am doing everything that I can. I have been looking into getting a second job, but I worry what effect that will have on Pickle. I am already gone for so many hours in a day, what would happen if I was gone on weekends and nights too. We ask that all of you say some prayers for us. We can really use the help.

In good news Pickle is doing great with his speech therapy. You can really see a improvement each day. He is starting to talk to us more and mimic the things that we do. Last night we played "Oh No Poor Joe!" I don't know if anyone else knows of this, but my Darling Husband did not. You say Oh No Poor Joe he has no, Insert body part here. Pickle loved every second of it. He laughed his little butt off. He continued to do it the rest of the night. He is growing up so fast on me. I can honestly say it is going by too fast and I will miss the little baby. It makes you want another little soul to love (Don't worry that is a little ways off, we have bigger fish to fry right now). All in good time.

Crazy, Hazy Days

Things have been so busy around here. M was lucky to come home on Saturday. Thank God, He is slowly recovering, getting better a little bit more each day. Since M is unable to care for our Pickle, I have had to bring him to different family members each day so I can still go to work. Friday he spent w/ his Auntie K, Sat & Sun he was with me (half at home, and half at hospital), Monday I was blessed enough to have my Mother in Law stay at our house and watch him, and Tuesday He went to spend the day with his Aunt S and his cousins. Today he is at my in-laws house with Big M and Auntie K again. We are so lucky to have family come and help us out when we need it. I can being to say how lucky we are to have family by our sides to help out.

Because poor Pickle has been tossed all around, his behavior is terrible. Has anyone experienced this? You can tell it all effecting him, but I can't change what is going on. I can not miss anymore work this year, and we can not afford to loose this job. I know that he needs a little stability, and I am hoping that I can do that starting next week, but I just don't think it is going to happen this week. It all comes down to how M feels. I hope he gets better soon.

In other news, this week my Grandmother passed (mother's mom). She has been very sick for quite some time. She is in a better place. Her services are going to be held back east over the weekend. I wish that I could go, but I just can't get those funds together. Tickets for the 3 of us were close to 1,600.00, that was just way to much and we didn't have that. I feel terrible that I won't be able to attend her services, I was not able to see her before she passed either. I just can't seem to let go of the guilt that I feel about the entire process.

I hope everyone has a better week that I did. The worst part is that it is only Wed. I still have a few more days to go.


At the park on Monday