Getting Healthy

Can someone tell me why it cost so much to join a gym and to get healthy? I just don't understand it.

I need to lose 100+ pounds. I need to badly. I know I do. The thing is I need help. I don't know the first thing about where to start. My first thought was join a gym. I thought that was a great place to start. I could talk to a trainer, they can show me what I need to do and how to do it properly. Many trainers also offer advice on nutrition.

Well that idea went out the window, really fast 40.00 a month just for the gym! Not including the trainer. NOPE

Then I thought about Jenny.Craig, Weight Watcher, and the like. Wow, those cost a butt load too.

This is a girl who doesn't have a extra 11 dollars a month, never mind 40. I thought I could stretch the budget and figure something out. I need to. I need to get healthy.

Can someone tell me why being fat is cheaper?

Car

You know I need a car.. Well M Needs a car.

Now this is not a new idea. It is a idea that has floated around for sometime. It is not easy being a one car household. It has only floated because we just can't afford it. Now as our little is started to grown and wanting to expand out of our home, it is becoming increasing apparent that M needs a way around.

My most worrisome part is that our Pickle is auditioning for the special needs preschool this month. If he gets in, they we will really NEED that car. Yes he can get the bus back and forth from the school, however what happens if he gets sick. Someone is going to have to get him. I work a hour from our home.

What's a girl to do? I know a lot of people are thinking to get a car loan, or buy something cheap. Well you need money to pay the loan or buy something cheap. Remember you are talking to the girl who struggles to get the peanut butter.

Someone buy me a car… Yes I asked… Yes my pride is shot…. But I had to try……… Insert super embarrassed face here.

Because you made it this long… I give you pictures!!! Whoo Hooo. Yes I know he is super super cute. I am also biased as I am the mother of said child. But I will take you sweet comments on this cuteness anyway.

Here I sit....

I feel like Sh*t. Plain and simple. I am not sleeping, My stomach is in knots. I want to cry every day now. The worst part is, I can't go to the doctor to find out what is wrong.

My primary requires a $25.00 co-pay. You would think no big deal. However, I owe then $25.00 from my last appointment, I would need to pay the $ 25.00 for this appointment. Then lets say he gives me a prescription or two, or three. That is $7.00 a prescription if they are generic. If they are brand names, it is like you hit the RX lottery. Some Prescriptions are as low as $200.00. So lets do the math on this:

Old Appt $ 25.00
New Appt $25.00
RX 1 $ 7.00
RX 2 $ 7.00
RX 3 $ 7.00
Grand Total $ 71.00

Sitting in lack of sleep coma, with severe stomach pain - Now that is just priceless.

So here I sit at my desk, in pain that no amount of medication can touch at this point. I am smiling and faking it the best I can. On the inside I am crying a thousand tears. I can't go to the doctor because even just the co-pay of $25.00 would kill us right now. Here I just sit and weep.

Rut??

I need something good to happen. I am not sure what, but I know I need it to happen soon.
I am stuck in a rut. I just came seem to pull out of it.

From the day Pickle was born I wanted to stay home with him. It has always been my dream to stay home with him. That was just not in the cards for us. M's injuries prevent him from working and he is the best person to stay home with the little man. So I work. I have a great job with a fantastic group of people. I can say I do love my job and the people I work with. We are truly a family here. I can not ask for a better job.

You are now asking your self.. If her job is so great why is she complaining that she is in a rut….. I am in a rut because I want to be at home. I am in a rut because I miss my son every day. I am in a rut because we can not do anything due to our financial situation. I am just in a rut.

I have been online a lot lately looking at all the things I want to do for Pickle, classes to sign him up for, activities to take him to, but I can't do any of that. I feel like I am a bad parent because we can't do any of that. I feel like a bad parent because I am not home. I feel like a bad parent because I am not living my dreams, but just working to get by. How can I teach my son that he can do anything he dreams of if he works hard, if I can not fill my own dreams. He was my dream. He will always be a part of my dreams.

I think in the end I am just in a mood. I just can't seem to pull myself out of it. I am not one of those people who normally sit around and wait for great things to happen to them. I have always believed that you make them happen. I just can't do it this time. I am in a rut. I can't pull out of.

The Dream

I grew up with two working parents. My parents worked hard to provide for us. We were never without food or clothes. There was always a roof over our heads. Even though I had tow parents who were working their butts off, we sill went without many of the luxuries that many children have. That many children take for granted.

For me that one thing I always wanted but could never have was ballet. I always wanted to be a famous ballerina. Growing up I knew we could not afford it, so I never asked. Looking back on it I wish I tried. Maybe I wouldn't feel so drawn to it now if I did. I find myself each day looking at ballet blogs and pictures of ballets. Now at 31 years old, this is one of those dreams that will never become a reality. I know that I am too old to go up on Pointe. I will always have that regret and dream.

I don't want Pickle to have those feelings. I wish I could give him the world, and I know that the is going to grow up knowing that Mom & Dad don't have money. Will he grow up like I did too and be to shy to ask? I really don't want his dreams to never see reality because he was afraid to ask or I couldn't afford it. I will be the first to admit that I have looked into Adult beginner classes for ballet. What I found made me quite sad. I found that most dance schools consider the term "Adult" to mean 16+. It just doesn't seem like it would be the right fit for me. I wish Adult meant, actually Adult. I would love to take a class with people like myself. Those who are of a more "advanced" age who are just learning. A girl can dream. If you know of a place in the east valley, let me know.

My Dream

Finances

I know I haven't talked about finances in a while on here, and that is because I try not to think too much about them. Today however is a different day. On a normal work day I leave the house at 630am and return at 530 pm. It makes for a long day. Because of this, I tend to eat breakfast and lunch here at my desk.

Well before M lost his job, it wasn't a big deal, I would bring something or if I was feeling adventures I would grab something on my way. Now things are quite different. For breakfast each day, I tend to eat a spoonful of peanut butter, and then for lunch I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. That is all I have. 

Today the peanut butter jar I have at my desk is empty. For most people this is no big deal. For us this is HUGE. I have just enough money to get to payday for gas. That is it. Nothing extra. So for me, there is no more breakfast. Although it was just a spoonful of peanut butter to you, to me it was a entire meal.

Thanks

With Thanksgiving fast approaching, I wanted to say what I am thankful for.

I am so Thankful for my family and friends. They have been with me on a roller coaster of a year with me. With out them I wouldn't of been able to get past this year. I don't think a blanket statement could tell you how I feel about my friends and family. That being said there is so much I want to say we might be here for days. Due to this, I will just leave this at I am blessed with the people in my life. Old or new, related or not.

I am Thankful for my husband. My world is not a good place with out him. Because of him I am a better person. The love and support that he shows me every day is amazing. I couldn't ask for a better person to share my life with. He makes the world a better place and the journey of life so much fun. He has been through a lot in his life, and will go through so much more, but he takes it all in stride and works his butt off.

Pickle - My precious boy. I can't tell the world how Thankful I am to have him in my life. We struggled to conceive. A battle that took 3 years, It was a emotional toll on us, but I wouldn't change it for the world. Everything went through brought us this amazing little boy. He lights up a room when ever he enters. He is always so happy, and carefree. He loves with every fiber of his being, when he smiles (and that one cute little dimple shows up) you smile. It is hard not too. He is starting to come into his own as a little man. He is losing the baby in him and growing up into a full grown boy at such a amazing pace. I will miss the little guy, but I look forward to who he will become.

S has been my close friend for many years. We have had our ups and downs, but we always find out way back to our friendship. She loves and supports me like a sister even though we arent' by blood, She loves me like a true friend should. I am so Thankful to have someone like that in my life. A true friend, with a great heart.

Most don't feel like they love their jobs, I can say that I am not one of them. I work for the most amazing people. I have found the right fit for me here. Although I work for a HUGE company, our office is a family. Most of us have been here for years. Seen one another through ups and downs. The love and support from this office is something that you don't see often. We all take care of each other and that is wonderful thing.

Last but not least, I am so Thankful for this blog. This has been a new experience for me to write a blog. I am not a writer as you can tell, but it has allowed me to share my story and experiences with others, and at the same time allowed me to process my own thoughts and feelings. Through this entire experience I have come across so many blogs that were able to help mend and open my heart. I know there are many of you who are out there reading this (I see the stats! LOL). Thank you for reading our story and allowing me to be apart of your lives.

I hope everyone has a terrific Thanksgiving. I hope your holidays are happy and safe, with all our love, The Hello Pickle Family.

Debbie Downer

Lately I have been a little down in the dumps. I think the stress of the last few weeks of stress have started to really get to me. With M being in the hospital, then Pickle getting sick, followed by me getting sick. I think I really need to just relax and get some fun time in. We have been struggling a lot more lately with finances and that is just not getting better. In the back of my head I keep thinking we are getting closer and closer to M getting his disability. We just turned in a butt load of paperwork to them to get a decision, but the waiting is the hardest part.

I am starting to feel like I am not doing enough for our family, but I am doing everything that I can. I have been looking into getting a second job, but I worry what effect that will have on Pickle. I am already gone for so many hours in a day, what would happen if I was gone on weekends and nights too. We ask that all of you say some prayers for us. We can really use the help.

In good news Pickle is doing great with his speech therapy. You can really see a improvement each day. He is starting to talk to us more and mimic the things that we do. Last night we played "Oh No Poor Joe!" I don't know if anyone else knows of this, but my Darling Husband did not. You say Oh No Poor Joe he has no, Insert body part here. Pickle loved every second of it. He laughed his little butt off. He continued to do it the rest of the night. He is growing up so fast on me. I can honestly say it is going by too fast and I will miss the little baby. It makes you want another little soul to love (Don't worry that is a little ways off, we have bigger fish to fry right now). All in good time.

At a loss

I am at a loss of words to describe how these past few days have been. Trying to describe these days as hard, seems to make light of the situation at hand.

M has been doing better each day that he is home from the hospital. That is a great thing, but in the course of running to and from the hospital, work, and baby sitters, Pickle has gotten sick. Which in turn he passed on to myself. It is a typical cold that we all have been to the doctor for at this time, but there seems to be nothing we can do to comfort our little man. This morning was the first morning he has not woken up with a fever, I do believe it broke during the overnight. Please cross your fingers.

In other news, we have finally hit rock bottom when it comes to finances. At this time I can honestly say that all our accounts are at 0.00, I scared of what is to come since I don't get another paycheck until the 26th. We are lucky that we have some food in the house, but I we don't have the gas to get me to and from work. That is what scares me the most. We have been really lucky that we have had family that has been able to help us out while M waits on a response to his disability from the state. Please say a prayer for us that things will start to change for us soon.

Happy M Day!

I have told M numerous times that he should get on here and introduce himself. Since we haven’t had an appearance yet, I thought I would fill you in the love of my life our big M. I can’t say enough great things about this man. He is our family comedian, the love of my life, the best dad you will ever see, and fiercely loyal.

When I say my husband is the best comedian you will ever meet, I am so serious. He is the comedy nexus in our home. He can turn anything funny. I must warn you though; his since of humor is twisted and sometimes dark. That being said once he knows you he will make you laugh at things you never thought could be funny. We have been telling him for years to do standup, but the poor guy is crazy shy.

Along with his sharp whit, is his sharp mind. He is a genius. I am taking a super smart; we could get him a cape with a big G on it, that is how smart he is. He can remember just about any crazy fact that you ask him (but yet somehow he forgets the grocery list). He is a wealth of knowledge. Comes in handy more often then you think it could. 

I have already gone into the story of us, and how we came to be so I won’t make you sit through that all over again, but I will say I knew I loved him from the start. Being so young when we met, I didn’t recognize it, but I love him with all my heart and I have for so long. This man will fight to the death to protect me. He is always willing to help others when he can. He is the one person who can calm me down, I feel safe in his arms, and love him like no other.

M lives each day at home. Working outside of the home is not an option since his accident. That doesn’t mean M doesn’t work. He is a stay at home Daddy, and the best Daddy I have ever seen. He loves Pickle with the same passion and fieriness that he loves me. You have never seen such a happy little boy. They spend their day making crazy faces, telling stories, playing video games together, and cleaning house. I will be honest he is not the best housekeeper, but he is my housekeeper and I love him for it. He does so much during the day, it makes it so much easier when I go home. I am able to rest and play with my little man after a long day at work.

I hope that you were able to get a good insight to who M is from here. I know I have gone on and on and on. He is a great Man. There are no words to really say what a wonderful person he is. I hope that you see how great he is too.

Worried

I thought that I would put my thoughts and words down here today.  I am scared and worried and I don't know if I have to be. That is the worst part do I need to be worried. Let me go back.
I had my annual exam at my OBGYN, and she found a lump in my breast during the exam. I will be honest, I am scared of what this could be. I go on Monday for the mamogram and a ultrasound to find out what this lump is. I keep on telling myself there is no point in being worried until I know there is something to worry about. However, I can't help but be worried.
I am scared, I will be honest here. This is a scaring thing. I am scared of the unknown. I am 30 years old and I have never had a mamogram, I don't know what to expect. I am scared this could be cancer. If it is cancer what happens then? I am the only one working, will I be able to keep working or will I have to take Medical leave? How will we be able to afford the treatments? How will Pickle do with a sick Mommy all the time? Will I die?

There are so many questions that I have, and I don't have any answers.
How do I go on waiting until Monday for the test? I don't know how.

Get Ready....

If you don't want to hear me complain, I suggest you scroll down now.

Every other Friday is payday. Which for most of us it is a great day, not in our house. I paid the bills and made a quick trip for Diapers, and Guess how much money I have left over? If you guessed less then 100.00 you would be right. Now I know you might be thinking what kind of bills does this girl have that she can't afford anything after her bills. Well Honestly nothing out of the ordinary, there is nothing crazy in there.

We are in that point of society that is above government assistance but below be able to live well. The sad part is I would be doing better if I worked part time and got welfare. I just don't see that to be right. I work hard and full time. I have thought about getting a second job but I just don't know when I would be able fit that in. Due to where we live, I travel a hour one way to work, and I am gone for 12 hours a day. I get home in just enough time to start dinner, bath and get my little man to bed. UGH

Okay, Rant over. We had a great weekend. We spent Saturday at home just watching some T.V. and some good snuggles, and on Sunday we celebrated my Father in Laws 55th birthday. We all had a great time and my little man ate a LARGE chunk of cake!

Hello Pickle!

How do you introduce yourself to the world? I don't think I can with out this coming off weird and awkward. So I guess let the pain begin…
Welcome to our world. Who are we you ask? D, M &  Pickle . We are just your typical family of three, with a few little changes to the 1950's Donna Reid version of typical. I work, M is disabled and a stay at home Dad, and Pickle, well Pickle is just perfect.
This is the blog for you if you ever wondered what it is like to live just above the line where the government will assist you (i.e. food, insurance) and right below where you can afford to do things yourself. I hope you enjoy hearing about our life and our wonderful son. We look forward from hearing from you.

My sweet little man