Getting Healthy

Can someone tell me why it cost so much to join a gym and to get healthy? I just don't understand it.

I need to lose 100+ pounds. I need to badly. I know I do. The thing is I need help. I don't know the first thing about where to start. My first thought was join a gym. I thought that was a great place to start. I could talk to a trainer, they can show me what I need to do and how to do it properly. Many trainers also offer advice on nutrition.

Well that idea went out the window, really fast 40.00 a month just for the gym! Not including the trainer. NOPE

Then I thought about Jenny.Craig, Weight Watcher, and the like. Wow, those cost a butt load too.

This is a girl who doesn't have a extra 11 dollars a month, never mind 40. I thought I could stretch the budget and figure something out. I need to. I need to get healthy.

Can someone tell me why being fat is cheaper?

Here I sit....

I feel like Sh*t. Plain and simple. I am not sleeping, My stomach is in knots. I want to cry every day now. The worst part is, I can't go to the doctor to find out what is wrong.

My primary requires a $25.00 co-pay. You would think no big deal. However, I owe then $25.00 from my last appointment, I would need to pay the $ 25.00 for this appointment. Then lets say he gives me a prescription or two, or three. That is $7.00 a prescription if they are generic. If they are brand names, it is like you hit the RX lottery. Some Prescriptions are as low as $200.00. So lets do the math on this:

Old Appt $ 25.00
New Appt $25.00
RX 1 $ 7.00
RX 2 $ 7.00
RX 3 $ 7.00
Grand Total $ 71.00

Sitting in lack of sleep coma, with severe stomach pain - Now that is just priceless.

So here I sit at my desk, in pain that no amount of medication can touch at this point. I am smiling and faking it the best I can. On the inside I am crying a thousand tears. I can't go to the doctor because even just the co-pay of $25.00 would kill us right now. Here I just sit and weep.

Rejection

Rejection seems to be the name of the game today. Yesterday I went to see my therapist. Lets call her Dr. C. As this being a new therapist, I am still trying to find my ground with her. Things were slow to start, and end. I even started clock watching. In the end I felt rejected by Dr. C.

Dr. C asked me if I need to come back. She started talking about how I seem to have everything in order. It got me to thinking, if I had all the tools I needed to live a good productive life I wouldn't of sought a therapist out.

I felt like I was being rejected. This is a HUGE issue for me. I am talking massive. I have always felt as if I was rejected by my family, and friends. I have a issue with being unlovable or unlikeable. Yet here is another person who is suppose to be my support and safe place, that just rejected me. Yet another person who save me from the mess that is my life.

I need to let my childhood go. I know this. I just don't how.

Rut??

I need something good to happen. I am not sure what, but I know I need it to happen soon.
I am stuck in a rut. I just came seem to pull out of it.

From the day Pickle was born I wanted to stay home with him. It has always been my dream to stay home with him. That was just not in the cards for us. M's injuries prevent him from working and he is the best person to stay home with the little man. So I work. I have a great job with a fantastic group of people. I can say I do love my job and the people I work with. We are truly a family here. I can not ask for a better job.

You are now asking your self.. If her job is so great why is she complaining that she is in a rut….. I am in a rut because I want to be at home. I am in a rut because I miss my son every day. I am in a rut because we can not do anything due to our financial situation. I am just in a rut.

I have been online a lot lately looking at all the things I want to do for Pickle, classes to sign him up for, activities to take him to, but I can't do any of that. I feel like I am a bad parent because we can't do any of that. I feel like a bad parent because I am not home. I feel like a bad parent because I am not living my dreams, but just working to get by. How can I teach my son that he can do anything he dreams of if he works hard, if I can not fill my own dreams. He was my dream. He will always be a part of my dreams.

I think in the end I am just in a mood. I just can't seem to pull myself out of it. I am not one of those people who normally sit around and wait for great things to happen to them. I have always believed that you make them happen. I just can't do it this time. I am in a rut. I can't pull out of.

Vacation

Vacation, yes you read that correctly. But more importantly what does that mean. Is she saying that she went on a great vacation and we are going to read about all the fabulous things she did, or does it mean they are going on a great vacation and we get to read all about the fabulous things she is going to do?

You are wrong!!!! So very wrong. I need a vacation, I want a vacation, I will have a vacation. Our vacation will be spent sitting on the surgical waiting room. That is right ladies and gents, I get to spend my vacation time waiting on M hand and foot, while he recovers from surgery. The official word came down a few weeks ago, and he will meet with the surgeon at the end of the month. They are going to take out his spinal cord stimulator and clear out some scar tissue. There is also talk of doing a fusion. We will know more after his appointment.  Please keep him in your prayers.

So no vacation for me. I am concerned with our daycare situation. His recovery time is normally 6-8 weeks. If we plan this right I can get about 3 weeks of coverage from friends and family, but after that I am not sure. Wish me luck, we can not afford to put little man in a daycare so this should be interesting.

New Ears!

Today's post is brought to you by: Things you never knew about us! I know that many of you are aware that M is handicapped. He has some severe back issues that cause him constant pain and weakness, because of this he is unable to work.

What You didn't know is that I have a disability myself. I am hearing impaired. I will say I am truly blessed with how much hearing I do have. I am able to hear with out assistance. It is more of matter what can't I hear. Which is a lot. Which brings me to today's exciting topic. NEW EARS! I have worn hearing aids for many years now, but I just got a new set. They are amazing. The doctor fit me with Oticon Intega 10s. The sound quality is so amazing I feel like I have so much of my life back. My last set were not so much of a hearing aid as they were something to turn up the volume of life. These are so slim and comfy. They block out certain sounds well, but at the same time allow me to hear so much more. I cried when I heard Pickle for the first time with them. I was never able to tell what he truly sounded like. It is amazing. I am so Thankful that my insurance was able to cover 100% of the cost.

We had a amazing weekend. That will have to be another post, to follow all about zoo lights. I will however post this really cute picture of a Daddy/Pickle nap.

Too cute for words

Debbie Downer

Lately I have been a little down in the dumps. I think the stress of the last few weeks of stress have started to really get to me. With M being in the hospital, then Pickle getting sick, followed by me getting sick. I think I really need to just relax and get some fun time in. We have been struggling a lot more lately with finances and that is just not getting better. In the back of my head I keep thinking we are getting closer and closer to M getting his disability. We just turned in a butt load of paperwork to them to get a decision, but the waiting is the hardest part.

I am starting to feel like I am not doing enough for our family, but I am doing everything that I can. I have been looking into getting a second job, but I worry what effect that will have on Pickle. I am already gone for so many hours in a day, what would happen if I was gone on weekends and nights too. We ask that all of you say some prayers for us. We can really use the help.

In good news Pickle is doing great with his speech therapy. You can really see a improvement each day. He is starting to talk to us more and mimic the things that we do. Last night we played "Oh No Poor Joe!" I don't know if anyone else knows of this, but my Darling Husband did not. You say Oh No Poor Joe he has no, Insert body part here. Pickle loved every second of it. He laughed his little butt off. He continued to do it the rest of the night. He is growing up so fast on me. I can honestly say it is going by too fast and I will miss the little baby. It makes you want another little soul to love (Don't worry that is a little ways off, we have bigger fish to fry right now). All in good time.

When it rains.....

When it rains it pours. That is how it goes in our home. On wed night we rushed M to the hospital with what we thought was Appendicitis. He was in a lot of pain. So all 3 of us were sitting in our local ER to find out that was wrong. After many hours in the hospital we found out, there were not entirely sure of what was wrong and needed to get another consultation . We found it was Epiploic appendagitis. Which I can say was something that I have never heard of. They are not sure why it is not getting better. Normally with time it clears up on his own and M should of been feeling some type of relief at this time, but at this time he is not. They are talking about doing exploratory surgery at this time to see if they can remove the part that is causing the pain, especially since it is effecting his appendix.
Please say a prayer for him and our family. The poor guy has been through so much in his life. He had the accident that changed his life, Surgery after Surgery, and countless procedures. I just wish he could wake up one day and be healed. Miracles do happen. Lets hope it happens for a man that deserves it.

Missing his Daddy.

We all miss you Daddy! Please get better soon so you can come home. The house is cold with out you.

Today's the day

Today is the day that I go for my mammogram. I can say with out hesitation that I am scared out of my mind. I was good until Sunday. On Sunday the fears started to creep into my head again, and this time I could not push them out. Today is very much the same.

Please send thoughts and prayers to us. Please pray that I finally calm down, and that the test goes smoothly. Please pray for the doctors and techs that are going to be working on me today.

I would ask that you pray for a cancer free result, but I know that is in good hands, and he will decided the path that I need to follow.

Worried

I thought that I would put my thoughts and words down here today.  I am scared and worried and I don't know if I have to be. That is the worst part do I need to be worried. Let me go back.
I had my annual exam at my OBGYN, and she found a lump in my breast during the exam. I will be honest, I am scared of what this could be. I go on Monday for the mamogram and a ultrasound to find out what this lump is. I keep on telling myself there is no point in being worried until I know there is something to worry about. However, I can't help but be worried.
I am scared, I will be honest here. This is a scaring thing. I am scared of the unknown. I am 30 years old and I have never had a mamogram, I don't know what to expect. I am scared this could be cancer. If it is cancer what happens then? I am the only one working, will I be able to keep working or will I have to take Medical leave? How will we be able to afford the treatments? How will Pickle do with a sick Mommy all the time? Will I die?

There are so many questions that I have, and I don't have any answers.
How do I go on waiting until Monday for the test? I don't know how.